Oh no! Bond is… boring…
Jordan’s Review:
** ½ (out of five)
I went to the theater that dreary afternoon as pumped as I have ever been to see a man get killed on screen. I wanted stunts, I wanted explosions, I wanted girls! And Quantum of Solace delivered… in the blandest, most vanilla-milk-shake manner possible.
Stunts? We get this choppy, blurry, horribly ordinary chase scene. And then another one. And then another one. Bond spends more time running through film than he does talking.
Explosions? We are “treated” to a boring, angular brown building blowing up in a boring, angular brown desert.
Girls? …What girls? Bond trades more snarky dialogue with Judy Dench’s ‘M’ than with his young female counterpart. When a 74-year-old woman is, for all intents and purposes, Bond’s femme fatale, we know something is wrong with the series.
The bad guy is lame. That’s all there is to it. Does he have an awesome base in outer space? No. He owns a warehouse. A regular warehouse, with a fence. And trucks. And what is his super-bad plan? To buy all the water in Bolivia. Is he even going to put electric eels in the water? No, he’s just going to make your utility bill really, really high.
The film just lacked what makes James Bond James Bond. Gone were the cigarettes, the slick suits and the slick hair, the gambling and the smooth-talking. Seriously, I spent half of the movie wishing Daniel Craig would take a shower. Bond is not Rambo, he is Bond. And the cool in this film was nowhere to be found.
Eli’s Review:
** (2 out of 5)
This was not a very good movie at all. I left the Quantum of Solace thinking, “Wow, I want my Roger Moore movies back.” Yeah, it sucked that much. It sucked so much that I was thinking about writing the next movie. Here is a similar plot that I decided would be better. I steal all the milk in the world and keep it in a secret hanger in the middle of the desert. That’ll show ‘em. Then the Brits will send James Bond after me and… he will save the world from a milk shortage… I think that’s better than this stupid plot.
WHERE ARE THE BOND GIRLS!? No Bond girl in Quantum of Solace. Only a brief moment where he is seen in bed with a not-so-great-looking someone. Come on people. Bond movies are chock-full of him sweet talking beautiful, well known, tough women, and charming them. Not in this movie. Men are supposed to learn how to be manly from Mr. Bond. Not creepy stalker-guy who is dirty and looks like he got hit by a garbage truck.
Bond was ruthless, and has turned into a mindless brute instead of a cunning, gentlemanly agent. He kills the weaklings and leaves the bosses for the women to take out. WOW…TIMOTHY DALTON! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE WHEN WE NEEDED YOU THE MOST! “M” was annoying, as usual. And for some reason the producers thought it would be a good idea to give her a huge role…. What is this world coming to… this action-packed middle of the road movie was just a waste of time. If you haven’t seen the movie than here is the movie in a nutshell (warning: spoiler!): not-so-bad-guy buys all of Bolivia’s water, and that pisses off the British… so they kill him… with Bond… And save Bolivia. The end. Now save yourself 20 bucks, rent Dr. No and Casino Royale, and then hibernate until the next movie.
1 Comment
November 21, 2008 at 8:03 am
Awesome review guys. I’m with you all the way
on this one. I wanted more “intrigue” and less
“fatigue”.